The Bird

The Adventures of Raleigh: The Bird

Occurred January 8, 2011

Starring: Sarah Tenney, Raleigh, and The Bird

This morning I awoke to Raleigh freaking out downstairs. I first thought nothing of it because he was probably hungry. Which would make sense; he is a typical food obsessed dog. But, when I got downstairs I realized he was charging full speed at a bird who was repeatedly flying head first into the living room window. The only reason this poor bird wasn’t caught and eaten by Raleigh was because Raleigh would charge and get almost close enough to catch it and then get scared and run tail between his legs in the opposite direction until he got his courage back and then would charge again.

Why I didn’t videotape this I don’t know. 

What I did do was get Raleigh into the laundry room and opened up all the doors in the house, but the bird just kept flying into the window repeatedly. So I did what any rational person would do… I threw dog toys close enough to it hoping to scare it away from the window and out the door.

Obviously this only scared the poor thing more BUT I did get it to fly away from the window- first into the ceiling, then into the wall, then into several different windows, then the kitchen cabinets (which are glass so maybe it thought they were windows), then back into the living room window. As it bashed its head into everything in the house it simultaneously pooped everywhere!

Okay so it was back to square one. As I pondered what in hell I was supposed to do next I took pictures of it- Why not right? Clearly he was going to stay for a bit since he didn’t understand the concept of doors…

I guess it got tired of running into the window because all of a sudden he just started flying around the house right over my head which made me scream and drop to the floor like I was being shot at. I am not even going to pretend I wasn’t scared of that thing; it gave me a whole new appreciation for the movie The Birds.

While I was ducking for cover he must have flown out because I couldn’t find him anywhere. I let Raleigh out and checked out the damage: bird poop everywhere including the furniture. Most of it was black with bits, and even whole, black berries in it, but some of the more liquid stains were red. It probably hurt itself while bashing its own head into the window. Okay so blood and berry poop, not too bad after the deer incident and it was out! 

Or so I thought…

After cleaning up and scrubbing the furniture and closing all the doors Raleigh started freaking out again. Uh oh. And then came the bird flying around the house frantically again with Raleigh barking and chasing it.

Open went all the doors. To the laundry room went Raleigh. To suit up went Sarah.

Boots on, mom’s big puffy green coat on (you know the closest thing I had to armor), broom in one hand, tennis racquet in the other, and I was ready.

With Raleigh barking like a mad man from the laundry room as if cheering me on, I chased the bird around the house like a crazy person, ducking and covering my head with the tennis racquet and screaming every time it changed directions and flew over my head. If that wasn’t crazy enough, Raleigh broke out of the laundry room (I had put a baby gate across the door frame). So with a loud crash, Raleigh comes running top speed out of the laundry room, tongue out and barking which makes the bird freak out more and starts flying in circles around the house, crashing hysterically into walls and windows and furniture while pooping EVERYWHERE!  

So now Raleigh and I are running all over the house chasing this thing, Raleigh still barking and I’ve still got the broom and tennis racquet, which I’m holding up over my head for protection while I run. 

Seriously we need to set up cameras in our house.

Finally the bird flies out the DOOR!!! Halleluiah! I start jumping up and down and cheering and Raleigh jumps on me tackling me to the floor and stares down at me as if to say, “can we do that again?”  

The bird not understanding that the window is closed but there's an open door less than a foot away

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The Deer

Meet my boys:

Theo and Bodie

Raleigh

Raleigh is a Golden Retriever who still thinks he’s a puppy

Theo is a Golden Doodle who is incredibly smart with a deviant side

Bodie is the baby of the group and is a Black Golden Doodle who (thankfully) still does what people tell him to

The Adventures of Raleigh, Theo, and Bodie: The Deer

Occurred January 11, 2011

Raleigh and Theo have discovered that the electric fence has stopped working and have started going on sojourns whenever they please. So, one day I was watching them and of course I turn my back for two seconds and they’re gone!

Bodie was still here luckily so I got him inside and start getting my boots on while yelling “Raleigh! Theo! COME!!!” at the top of my lungs. As I’ve got one boot on I see Theo trot proudly through the front yard with a large stick in his mouth. I know if I don’t grab him now it will be impossible to get him because he likes to run away and play games when he’s found a toy. So with one boot on I run out into the porch, but something makes me stop...

As Theo gets closer the stick looks less and less like a stick and there is something on his feet and around his mouth and down his front… Then it occurs to me it’s blood and there is a hoof attached to the end of the “stick”. Somewhere they had found the remains of a fully grown and freshly killed deer.

I run out into the snow with only one boot and grab the deer leg out of Theo’s mouth along with some skin and fur and gross stuff he had half swallowed. Deer leg still in hand I grab him and secure him in our laundry room and start calling for Raleigh.

Raleigh finally comes and is not as bad as Theo but still has blood on his feet and around his mouth. When I try to get Raleigh into the laundry room they try to run through the house. This creates a scene of me grabbing Raleigh by the scruff of his neck and Theo by the collar yelling at them at the top of my lungs “WE WILL NEVER SELL THIS HOUSE IF IT LOOKS LIKE THERE’S BEEN A MURDER IN HERE!” Raleigh is whimpering and Theo is trying to escape and Bodie is terrified and goes into his submissive pose where he lies on his back to get you to stop yelling. So now I’m yelling at Raleigh and Theo with “good boy Bodie” mixed in every few seconds.

Okay, now what.

There is blood all over the laundry room (which has white cabinets near the floor), Raleigh and Theo are going nuts, Bodie is terrified, there’s blood all over me, and there’s a DEER LEG on my porch.

I do what anyone would do: I franticly call my mom. But she doesn’t answer. So I more franticly call Lynne. “RALEIGH AND THEO FOUND A DEER, THERES BLOOD, HOW DO I CLEAN THEM? WHAT SOAP CAN I USE THAT WON’T HURT THEM? WHAT WILL BE STRONG ENOUGH TO DISINFECT? DO I NEED TO CALL A VET? DO THEY NEED RABIES SHOTS? DO I NEED A RABIES SHOT?” Lynne is very calm and says “no, you’re fine, just get the dog bath soap for their bodies and the hydrogen peroxide for around their mouths” she says this like its absolutely no big deal. But she reminds me Theo has had an operation recently because he eats underwear and socks and can’t digest anything but dog food so I need to pour the peroxide down his thought to make him throw up.

I get Raleigh outside with a leash and tie him up. Then face Theo, bottle of peroxide in one hand other hand ready to grab him. I slowly go towards him then grab him and wrestle open his mouth which is slimy and slippery from the blood and pour the peroxide down his thought. This is not easy because I can’t tilt his head back or it might go down his wind pipe and he doesn’t like this so he’s thrashing his head back and fourth. I finally get the stuff down his thought and wait for him to throw up.

Ten minutes later Theo is outside tied up with Raleigh and the laundry room has hydrogen peroxide everywhere along with blood and now puke. Yummy.

Lynne had asked me to call her back and describe what he puked up, so I grab a stick (a real stick like made of wood from a tree- no hoofs) and poke through the puke and describe the concoction of skin, blood, fur, and bubbly hydrogen peroxide while trying not to puke myself. Lynne was satisfied and believed he had puked up everything and left me to clean up. 

So the rest of the story involves me gagging every few seconds and several rolls of paper towels and the laundry room getting water and soap poured all over it to add to all the other liquids already there and me scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing. Then going outside and scrubbing the dogs, and if you’ve ever owned a Golden Doodle you know they have hair that clumps easily so you can imagine the disaster in trying to get the blood and gunk off him.

So with the house and the dogs clean I took a sigh of relief until I remembered there was still a deer leg on the porch. Although when I looked at it again it wasn’t bloody or as bad as I thought so into a trash bag it went and all the bags of paper towels and the leg went to the garage trash.

…and I took the hydrogen peroxide and Dawn kitchen soap up to the shower. 

The "stick"

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